A Special Stuffing

True love.

Well, we know it’s no secret that I love my cats. Especially Hairy, my mental kitten.

The other day I was ruminating on our love, and I remarked to Husband that when Hairy dies, if I don’t die from shock! and horror! and devastation! myself, that I’d like to get her stuffed. You know, like take her to a legit taxidermist and everything. And then I’ll have her posed in a very regal position, with her beautiful poofy fur all fluffed out, and set her on my coffee table for all to admire and pay homage to when they see her.

Paying homage.

Husband shivered.

Told me I was GROSS,

And
then told me that having her body around would only tempt her spirit to remain with us, and he won’t have that. He said that she’ll come back to haunt us, and could just picture going to bed one evening, with her perching on the coffee table, to waking up in the middle of the night, and realizing with horror that she is sitting at the foot of the bed, in her cold stuffed body, watching him with her glassy green eyes.
I thought that sounded WONDERFUL.
Husband did not. I theeeeenk he mentioned the D word (divorce) if I stuff her.
But…I don’t know…so…tempting…

Pregnancy Ups and Downs

Being pregnant again has been an insane rollercoaster ride. At one minute, I’m loving every second, exited like no other, and the next, I’m freaking out and wondering why the hell I decided to get on this ride again? I mean, I knew after everything that happened with Kendall, that being pregnant would be tough. Of course I knew this, but I T R U L Y didn’t know how hard it would be. I didn’t know that I’d cry all the time, wondering if my baby’s little heart was still fluttering away. I didn’t know that I’d have nightmares about losing my baby every night. I didn’t know that every time I had an ultrasound, I’d start to panic, terrified I’d see a baby that was just…gone, with their little life taken from me, again.

My OB tells me that for women who have had a traumatic fetal loss, that this is totally normal. She tells me that as I continue to approach the time period that I lost Kendall, things will get even harder than they are now – is that possible? – but she also says that as I pass the time that I lost Kendall, that my anxiety should start to decrease, which would be a welcome respite from all the adrenaline and Cortisol my poor body is having to deal with on a daily basis.

So, admittedly, this pregnancy has been hard. I’ve been more nauseous with this pregnancy than with my previous two, and I’ve also seemed far more er, weepy/emotional/sensitive/whathaveyou. Also, I have not gained any weight yet, which is a mild point of concern to my treatment team. In fact, I’ve lost a little. And, since I’m only 12 ½ weeks, it isn’t at the point where everyone needs to throw their hands up in the air and start freaking out and prying open my mouth and pouring copious amounts of Boost Plus into it, but still, it’s a little troubling to me – and, frankly, mystifying. Dis’ broad eats A LOT. Especially sour things. Baby likes sour things.

So, even though I’m a hot anxious train wreck waiting to happen, things are going relatively okay. I am surviving, and my baby is thriving. Fortunately I’m just about out of my first trimester, and I’m really hoping that the nausea can continue to decrease and that my BOOBS ‘O FIRE can stop, well, KILLING me with their sad soreness, and hopefully soon my anxiety can give my poor body a break and I can start actually laughing and smiling again, as opposed to either crying or retching into my garbage can.

Baby bump pics to come soon. :)

Holy Frickin' FINALLY!

Hello friends,

I am so, so thrilled to announce that I am pregnant!  Brandon and I have been trying for nearly a year with no success, and were actually getting ready to see a doc for infertility treatments, and, in just the nick of time, we got a miracle several weeks ago via a positive pregnancy test.

I am SICK.  All I do is barf and sleep and then wake up to feel sick again and then wish I could somehow sleep through this first trimester.  I am NOT complaining, but girlfriend over here forgot how taxing the first trimester truly is!

I went in for my first OB appt today, and all looked well.  I am 9 weeks along, and here's a picture of my perfect little jellybean.  He/she/it looked perfect and healthy and strong and had an excellent heart rate of 184.

Baby #3, 9 weeks along

Naturally, I am entirely scared out of my mind that I am going to lose this little bub, as I lost Kendall in November 2009.  However, I am just praying like crazy and eating lots of yummy nourishing food and taking care of myself and realizing that at this point, there's nothing else I can do but have faith and hope.  All of your prayers and good vibes would be appreciated, as I am usually an anxious mess, worrying about the health and welfare of my baby.

Big B and Lil C are very thrilled about our pending new arrival as well.  :)  Big B rubs and kisses my tummy every day, and Lil C is very excited for his new brother or sister, and is impatient that it can't just come out already.  Also, the other day he asked me if the baby was going to come out of my mouth, and I said YES, as I'm so not ready to have a vagina conversation with my 4 year old.  I mean seriously.

Hope you'll all join me in being as thrilled about this is as I am.  :D