Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Some Words, When There are None

I read an amazing blog post this morning, by Lisa Belkin, from the NY Times, talking about grief.  I wish I had been able to say this myself, back in November, when I lost Kendall and my world came crashing down.  Please take a moment to read it and let me know what you think.

21 comments:

eden said...

what a beautiful expression of feeling. i loved it. even though it's sad that such words are needed.

Zena said...

Brie,
I am a silent stalker of your blog I may I have commented once or twice but really I just read, you are a wonderful writer, recently meaning 11 weeks and 6 days ago my husband took his life, I also have had a misscariage but it was 11 yrs ago and I think I have healed from that, The grief we experiance we we lost someone we loved in such a traumatic way (misscariage or suicide or some other unexpected tradedy) the grief is so much more then just a loss, its like a hole in your heart one that may never be filled, yes we will go on, somehow ( im not sure how I will yet) but im told the hole/void will eventually lessen...that someday with the love/grace and mercy from God we will survive, I know you had your memorial service for Kendal on that day I too sent up a white ballon in honor of my lost child, and it (whether you know it or not) has inspired a movement, my husband would have been 40 this september 13th and I am having a large celebration of his life, I will ofcourse be mourning his death but in the end I will be grateful fot the time I had with him...and yes 100's of sky blue balloons with little white notes attached to them will be sent up to my darling in heaven, I do have a title I am a widow, but I am also so much more, a mother of 3, a daughter, a sister a friend and yes mother who lost her child before she even got to her...but in the end Titles dont matter its what we do with the ones that we still have the privledge of being with that counts...;anyway I read the blog exerpt and thought it puts words to what seems like there are no words for...I would also (since Im writting a novel anyway) like to tell you I think you are amazing, Im so inspired by you, on your recovery from the demon I call E.D, and for your general zest for life...you are amazing Brie, dont ever forget that.

with love,
Tara

Heather Lindquist said...

Beautiful article. It brought tears to my eyes because there are so many people suffering losses that society doesn't "officially" recognize, primarily because there is no word to describe what has happened. I like the new word the writer suggests. Our losses will forever be with us, words or not, but having a name to something so gut-wrenching painful, seems to bring peace to my mind, and perhaps later, to my heart. I remember years and years ago at cfc talking with you about how much I hated words. I hated them because they never "say" or "mean" exactly what we want them to. There are just no words for some things. Today, in a small way, I still feel the same. Our language seems to be "practical." Yet, what we need, is a language that can convey the very depth of our thoughts and feelings. For then, those who lose loved ones, or face a tragedy, only has to whisper it once, and those around will understand. The closest I've found to that kind of language is when I "talk" to God in my prayers. I often can't find the right word to convey something a particular feeling, thought, or incident, and yet I feel comforted b/c I know He speaks every language, and understands each and every one of them, spoken or not. Thanks for sharing this blog post.

Shannon said...

Thank you for posting this! I have a few friends who have lost a lot lately (my friend Missy lost her Mom, Megan Hemmert just losing her baby, and of course you). I hope I never have to go through the grief that you have had to, but it is a great article to get across, if only a little bit, what people I love are going through.

I hope you are doing well!

Kendra said...

That is so beautiful. I have not lost a child, but I did lose a brother to suicide... and like you, I never knew what to say or even "call myself". I think you have found a word in this blog.

I always enjoy your blog! Thank you for writing and finding these amazing tidbits!

Missy said...

Thank you so much for sharing, Brie. That was an incredibly profound post. I recently lost my brother and I printed it out to share with my Mom. I am so often at a loss for how to comfort her...because I can't, really. There is no "comforting" that sort of pain. All I can do is Love her.
I am glad you found comfort in this, too. ~M

Penny said...

I enjoyed your blog post too, and the links that you sent us to. I think, for most people they endure not just survive and if lucky they only have to face that later in life. But for far too many the losses of life come to their life too soon, when they are less prepared or just seemingly not ready. I think in these comments and post we are all feeling compassionate to one another and that is a blessing to realize we are not alone and that others do understand. I believe life is about connections. Thank you for all you do.

Maeve said...

Thank you for sharing this, it was a wonderful (if tear jerking) blog.

I've always wondered what word there is for people who have lost one parent. You're an orphan if you've lost both, but what do you call yourself when you've only lost one?

Take care of yourself Brie, and know that we're all here for you.

Kyla said...

Yes, thank you for sharing. One of my new favorite terms is "discursive limitations," which seems to be a word for no words... Also "access to discourse." Hugs.

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zubeldia said...

oh, Brie, thanks for the link, and also I hope it helped you as you think of little K. Indeed there really are no words that can convey this sort of suffering... love love Z

Sheyenne said...

Just checking in to say I was thinking about you and your family today! Hope you are doing well!

智宜 said...

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e.motions and ana.lysis said...

Brie-

I just wanted to let you know that I'm following your blog. I've been reading for quite some time and emailed you my comments when I felt the need to post but couldn't. I finally created my own blog - just wanted to let you know that I wasn't a creepy random stalker.

-Em

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