Friday, June 4, 2010

Snot-Nosed Horror

Just as group therapy was starting last night, I stood up to reach for the box of tissues, as I always do. “Are you like allergic to my office or something?” W, the T, asks me. I laugh, say, “Probably. I’m allergic to 63 other things so I’m sure there’s something in here that’s slowly killing me.”

Time passes. I’m sniffling and clutching a tissue to occasionally wipe my drippy nose. I look very attractive doing this.

Later: and now the attention is on me.

I’m talking; I can’t remember about what. I’m looking down because me making eye contact in these parts is about as common as the Pope playing beer pong at Mardi Gras. I wipe my nose. Apparently not good enough, because a little snot comes dripping out of my right nostril. And not the goopy snot. Like water snot. I am a leaky faucet. I look down at my shirt, and right before my very eyes, in between my boobs, I have an Oreo-sized snot blossom.

And everyone’s eyes are trained on me. Trained on the chick who can’t keep her snot in her nose or on her tissue. What am I, 5? And the room is silent! And that’s worse than everybody laughing because I know they’re trying not to laugh. Hot damn I’d be laughing hysterically if I wasn’t me, if I wasn’t frozen with snot-nosed horror.

Um I umwhatwasIsaying,” I stammer. “Sorry, my nose is runny. Words. Clumsy remark.”

I pull my cardigan over my blooming booger. And blow my nose resolutely.

11 comments:

eden said...

can i just say that i feel totally awesome being the first one to comment on two entries in a row?! or maybe i'm just pathetically at my computer way too much...

anyway, that's awful. and embarrassing. i *hate* being sick and i'm sorry you're sick!

bananas said...

Aw, that sucks. But you tell it so well! I'm sure you still looked hot with snot drippage and all.

韋成 said...

Some people cannot see the wood for the trees. ............................................................

Brooke said...

I'm sorry to laugh at your horror!! That is friggin' hilarious. But almost just as funny are your words in the post "hot damn." Who says that anymore?

Oh Brie....love your writing :)

Penny said...

Lately, it seems like i am always apologizing. It is the hardest thing but then i think we will get a reprieve and we will be fine until it time again to be lame. I think the whole world just takes turns at it....

Missy said...

If the people in the room would have laughed you could have said...

"ITS SNOT FUNNY...ITS SO SNOT FUNNY, GUYS!! GET IT? SEE WHAT I DID THERE?"

**he-he snort-snort knee-slap**

Missy said...

If the people in the room would have laughed you could have said...

"ITS SNOT FUNNY...ITS SO SNOT FUNNY, GUYS!! GET IT? SEE WHAT I DID THERE?"

**he-he snort-snort knee-slap**

allegri said...

I am sorry to laugh at your humiliation! but I agree! HOT DAMN, that is quite funny. Sounds like something that is a normal occurrence in my life! My clients always ask if I am snorting crack because I am CONSTANTLY sniffling... I feel your pain.

Dianne said...

I guess the part that really caught my attention was the 'snot blossom' between the boobs. Had I been in your (unfortunate) situation, that snot blossom would not have been anywhere near my boobs, no. That nasty snot would have dripped straight down to the floor, or potentially my lap, with absolutely nothing to stop it in between.

You could also consider stuffing tissue up your nostrils. It's a good look.

XOXO

Dianne said...

I guess the part that really caught my attention was the 'snot blossom' between the boobs. Had I been in your (unfortunate) situation, that snot blossom would not have been anywhere near my boobs, no. That nasty snot would have dripped straight down to the floor, or potentially my lap, with absolutely nothing to stop it in between.

You could also consider stuffing tissue up your nostrils. It's a good look.

XOXO

07_TeddyF_Silvey0 said...

良言一句三冬暖,惡語傷人六月寒。...........................................................................