Some Words, When There are None

I read an amazing blog post this morning, by Lisa Belkin, from the NY Times, talking about grief.  I wish I had been able to say this myself, back in November, when I lost Kendall and my world came crashing down.  Please take a moment to read it and let me know what you think.

Snot-Nosed Horror

Just as group therapy was starting last night, I stood up to reach for the box of tissues, as I always do. “Are you like allergic to my office or something?” W, the T, asks me. I laugh, say, “Probably. I’m allergic to 63 other things so I’m sure there’s something in here that’s slowly killing me.”

Time passes. I’m sniffling and clutching a tissue to occasionally wipe my drippy nose. I look very attractive doing this.

Later: and now the attention is on me.

I’m talking; I can’t remember about what. I’m looking down because me making eye contact in these parts is about as common as the Pope playing beer pong at Mardi Gras. I wipe my nose. Apparently not good enough, because a little snot comes dripping out of my right nostril. And not the goopy snot. Like water snot. I am a leaky faucet. I look down at my shirt, and right before my very eyes, in between my boobs, I have an Oreo-sized snot blossom.

And everyone’s eyes are trained on me. Trained on the chick who can’t keep her snot in her nose or on her tissue. What am I, 5? And the room is silent! And that’s worse than everybody laughing because I know they’re trying not to laugh. Hot damn I’d be laughing hysterically if I wasn’t me, if I wasn’t frozen with snot-nosed horror.

“Um I umwhatwasIsaying,” I stammer. “Sorry, my nose is runny. Words. Clumsy remark.”

I pull my cardigan over my blooming booger. And blow my nose resolutely.

Grrrrrrrrrr. Ouchy.

• I don’t know what my deal is, but I am SO.EFN.GROUCHY.
• I’m tired.
• I look like some scaly prehistoric BEAST because I’m all dry and full of peelage from my sunburnbutreallyitwasmoreofaglowingtanbecauseIhavesuchniceoliveskinREALLYoneoftheonlynicethingsaboutme.
• My allergies are so horrible - my face has hives all over it and my nose has scabs on it from how often I’ve had to blow my nose on that tender oh so tender skin.
• It is June. Summer. The flowers are a’bloom and the grass is green. Now we just need our weather to get, like, THE MEMO.
• My body image is bad. Like BIG BAD.

And…

•  I feel a little hopeless.
• Sigh.

A blog worth your time.

My beautiful niece, Ali,  just started a blog - she's graduating from high school and is about to embark on Real Life.  Her blog is adorable and inspiring and I wanted to share it with you all.  Check out Ali-Gories here.  (So proud to be related to this beautiful chica!)