I was commenting to W that I still wished I was skinny. She looked at me, exasperated, and told me that I was still “very thin” and still much thinner than the average woman for my height.
It made me realize that I coincide the words “skinny” and “emaciated,” and that I can still indeed be the former and be at a healthy weight. For so long, even when I was underweight, I thought I was fat, so to be “normal” and “healthy” is, well, “weird.” But “good.” Why am I putting everything in quotations? My English teacher is rolling in the “proverbial grave” right now. Bahaha.
And the therapist takes me in the second half with her elementary logic for the win!
Anyone else “forget” that, too?
15 comments:
your therapist is wise. and that picture made me laugh!
yeah, I get this. It's like, if i'm not horribly emaciated, then I must be horribly fat. It never ocurred to me until a few years ago that there was an in-between. i still struggle with thinking that if I cannot see my bones I must be fat. But it's not normal to see your bones! It's ok to take up space! You can "have fat" and not "be fat".
Crazyness ;)
You can "have fat" and not "be fat".
This is awesome. No lie.
idk about me, but I believe it's very true for you. You come off as very, very thin in your pictures [emphasis on *very*] so I think what your therapist said to you was very wise and I hope you can see it and believe it, too.
And "way to go" on your "use" of "quotes"! A+.
This is something I'm slowly learning as well. I can remember being at very sick weights, and still thinking even an ounce of fat was flab...and now that I look back on pictures from those times, I just want to cry at how deluded I was. There is a difference in fat the noun and fat the adjective! We all need the former, but it doesn't imply that we are the latter. And healthy thin, or even, gasp, *normal*, is way, way more attractive than sick thin, of course.
You, my dear, are gorgeous inside and out!
I love it when you have epiphany's! I wish that I would have more in my life. Never feel so old that there is not something precious to learn. Good For You and btw you are so slim and thin!
I love it when you have epiphany's! I wish that I would have more in my life. Never feel so old that there is not something precious to learn. Good For You and btw you are so slim and thin!
every.blasted.day.
I have a question for you. I've never commented before, but I've been reading you for a while and I love your blog and your sense of humor. I notice that you refer to therapy as "the-rapey." As a rape survivor, it makes me pretty uncomfortable. Because as hard as therapy is for you, and as hard as your recovery journey is for you, comparing therapy to rape is... frankly, insulting. Because it will never be as violating and traumatizing as being raped.
Using the word "rape" as a metaphor for other things is something that really gets to me, and I know that you're using humor and such as a coping/defense mechanism, and I get all that. I, just, I don't know... I guess I wanted to ask why you feel it necessary to equate your therapy with rape, by referring to it in that way, when rape is such an awful experience that therapy, no matter how draining, can never even come close to comparing to.
i apologize.
i had the same discussion with my therapist on saturday. i'm going with the black/white concrete thinking that comes with the eating disorder mindset. i guess it takes a while to break those thoughts right?
Brie. I think it's very mature of you to apologize, but I don't think it was necessary at all. It's your blog. Call it the-rapey all you want. Maybe I feel this way because of Britni The Vagina Wigs username, or maybe her photo that resembles a vagina or maybe it's just how all of her profile information involves taboo subjects and she warns people who may be easily offended to steer clear of her ramblings.
Someone so comfortable with offending others shouldn't be demanding an explanation from you. But that's just me. And I think that rape is hilarious.
-c
MBP- I feel the same way (except about rape being hilarious) especially after reading Britni's profile. I was just to chicken sh*t to say anything. But seriously, it is a bit of a case of the pot calling the kettle black, if you ask me!
Brie, this is YOUR blog. It was really big of you to apologise, but really, if someone doesn't like what you have to say then they dont have to read it.
Peace XO
Oh yes! Totally remember having to redefine what "thin" was...and having to tell myself that there was indeed a difference from being thin and being emaciated. Something reassuring against the ED
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