The Lamelympics

Has anyone even been watching the Olympics this year? The winter ones are kind of snoring. Here’s why:

Ice skating: hate the outfits, also am preoccupied with the men’s junk and wondering if they’re using padding; also, am too mortified for them if they fall; I have to stare at the wall and moan awwwwkkkkkwwwwwwwwarrrrrd to myself. Husband finds this amusing, therapist says I need to learn to tolerate “normal human emotion.”
Skiing: the ecard says it all.
Bobsled: only cool in Cool Runnings.
Speed skating: it’d be more interesting if done with bumper cars.
The Luge: should rhyme with “douche.” (but doesn’t.) (why?) (and sigh.)

At least during the summer Olympics you get to stare at Mikey Phelps’ washboard abs and watch Asian toddlers with sparkly hair clips acrobat it around in gymnastics. PLUS if you get bored you can just go out and up your street cred by doing your own summer sport. Yessss.

And the worst of all this is that none of my shows are on anymore! Gone is Biggest Loser! Gone is Law & Order SVU! Gone is anything fun to do at night, except watch boring sports that are steadily making me lose the will to live. (Not having Biggest Loser and Jillian’s eyebrows will do that to me.) I have little fight left, I am growing weak.

So. When are they over again?  I'M LITERALLY DYING.

PSers: the overwhelming majority vote from last post was that most want another excerpt from my book.  Never fear, next post, I shall deliver!  I just need to figure out what morsel I am going to feed you...so stay tuned!