Happy.

You know, despite all the crap going on that I often complain about, I just wanted to tell you all that LIFE.IS.GOOD. It really is. I mean, restoring weight and going to therapy and working through my garbage while hella hard, has also been a hizella blessing. I can really say that I’m happy. That doesn’t mean that I still don’t have moments of pure devastation, and my angry days where I purposely try to pick a fight with Big B by calling him ugly or hairy or something, but in general, I smile more. I laugh more. I have more energy to play with Lil C and go to work and do the normal things that normal people all over the world do every day; that they all take for granted. I do not take for granted being able to go an entire afternoon without napping; or being able to go to work for an entire month without ever taking a sick day. I don’t forget that just a short three months ago I nearly died. I don’t take for granted the fact that I can now go to the gym and run four miles in forty minutes and feel that amazing runner’s high; that feeling that I am strong and capable. I can now thank God for my body, rather than try to weaken it; whittle it down to nothing.

When I saw E, the dietish, yesterday, she was thrilled with me. THRILLED. I am kicking major arsage in dietary. Just two weeks ago, the T made a comment that I was doing “amazing” in therapy, but only “mediocre” in dietary. That’s no longer the case. I mean you guys, if you could have seen the look on her face yesterday when she was flipping through my mealplan. She was over the moon – she even
L I T E R A L L Y
gave me a gold star! I felt like a proud kindergartner, no kidding. In fact, she was so impressed with my progress that when she sees me again on Thursday, if I’ve gained again, then she’s going to sloooooowly start tapering my tube feeds – like maybe start with half a can less. But that’s half a can closer to me being able to yoink this sucka!  And that makes me happier than anything: knowing that I am finishing this through to the end, despite my fears.

And also:
You all rock. I had a wonderful and silly blog reader (thanks May Evoke!) send me this picture she dedicated to my cats, which totally had me a roaring, and another awesome blog friend sent me a book that I’m just going to start called The Voice of Knowledge, and it meant a lot that she’d send it, and thought of me when reading it – so thanks, S. Anyway, you guys are all amazing. I know that I have my family first and foremost to thank for my happiness and recovery, but honestly? You guys come in second. I don’t know what I’d do without Blogxygen and all of you! ♥ you!