Been addicted to perusing through past entries of my blog - I can't stop - it's like crack, but it doesn't kill brain cells and it's not against the WoW. I need to stop, though, because I used to be really skinny and really funny and witty and I seem to be none of those things anymore. Kindasorta depressing. I just don't have the time to blog like I used to - being a mommy right now is more than a full-time job - but I seriously miss the comments and the hilarity and the fulfillment I got from Blogxygen.
I kind of wonder what is going to fulfill me. I LOVE being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I don't seem to be satisfied with cleaning the house and pretending to cook when it's only a grilled cheese and canned tomato soup, and I'm not really content with playgroups and kindergarten reports on Abraham Lincoln. I'll do all these things and am glad to do them, but I need more.
I think I'm going to go back to school. I think pursuing my education can make me feel content and give me some self-esteem. I can either pursue my passion, writing, or I can go into a more practical field, like Social Work. I think I would love either of those things. And, why can't I have both? I think being raised in an LDS culture, we are always told to get married fast (did that) and then hurryhurryhurry, mulitply and replenish the earth!! (did that) and like I said, no regrets, I love my familiy, but I need more. I need more of an identity than just "Mom." As I'm getting rid of the ED, I need to find myself and find out who I really am without that super skinny, cool and untouchable model persona. I mean, what else am I? What else could I do and accomplish?
So, this probably can't happen right away - Brandon finishes school in just 9 short months, and it'll probably have to wait til he graduates, but I need to think seriously about this - I need to make it happen. I think I'm meant to do some pretty cool things in this life, and I think having my degree will make that easier and more of a possibility. What do you think?
Saturday, October 1, 2011
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12 comments:
i'm so glad you get to be a mommy of such cute kids. :) I think it's super important to do something (like finish school) not just as a back up plan and all that jazz, but because there's nothing more satisfying than doing something so hard and fulfilling as school...and it's awesome when you love what you study. :) you can do it. :)
I know this feeling so well. I like that you realize that it can't happen right away though. I have no doubt that you will find something. You are a great writer and a resourceful person and you have done some cool things already. You could take on roles in kids sports - treasurer, pta, stuff like that?
Dietcolagirl
I think you are STILL hilarious and witty (have you read your Taylor Swift post?! or your own comments about your Mormon duty in this post?) and you are still beautiful! Nothing about the essence of you has changed. You are just in a different life stage, one that is draining for ANYONE in it! I think you will be great at whatever you decide to do. I am always a fan of more education and honestly wish I could just go to school forever...it really fulfills me. I imagine you would be the same way.
Ever thought about trying something along the lines of public speaking or school counseling? Or what about trying to write an outreach blog, sort of an east meets west with regards to social work and blogging. I don't know, just spit-balling (uh, that's some gross imagery).
Clearly you have the ability to affect people.
I didn't know you super well in junior high and high school, but you have always been memorable. I think you're spot on in that you're meant to do some pretty cool things in this life.
Can't wait to see what turns up for you.
Oh my goodness. When you mentioned a degree in social work, my heart litterally danced around and skipped a beat or two or three... I'm just about to finish my Masters Degree in Social Work to be a licenced therapist- at the end of next semester. It's my favorite degree in the world and it's by far one of the most meaningful degrees / careers I could have ever picked going into. I totally rock that idea (the social work idea, that is). But hey... I'm bias! :)
Well I think you are every bit as funny and smart as cool as you've ever been, with added life experience and the invaluable wisdom that comes from that. And if weight has to be an issue, then I'll go ahead and put it out there that I think you are way more beautiful when you're not pre-recovery thin. But whether you weigh X or Y, you are valuable for a million other things.
All of that being said, feeling fulfilled is a BIG deal. It is not a luxury or a self-indulgent thing, it's the best gift you can give to both yourself and your family. My mom finally went back to law school after taking many years off for mom-hood, and it has really revived her in a lot of ways. I think you are SO intelligent and talented that you will do great no matter what you choose, and that going back to school is a great thing to shoot for.
In the mean time, are you still working on that book you mentioned in the past? Or have ideas for a new one? Just something to help you feel like you have a worthwhile project until you're in a position to start school again?
Best of luck, you rock!
<3
C
Actually being a mommy is the best job in the world. I'm in my 30s and it's my biggest regret. Yes, I would imagine me having to have a job but that is only because the field I need a job in is more about teaching children so yes it gives me purpose and I serve others. Thing is right now you have a new baby. Most people take a few months off to get a routine and establish sleep. lol. It's mommy brain. Believe me my friends, sister all have little ones. Maybe right now you can volunteer as cub scout leader or for an organization. Make a Wish is wonderful and do writing on the side. My friend in DC is mormon she has two young adult books written. It was a mormon publisher company. So I'd say write when you have time if that is your passion but wait until your husband has a paying job. I know writing isn't steady income in the beginning. My friend actually for work edits a scientific journal in DC.The company is flexible though because she wanted to move back to SLC and they let her work from there. Just some thoughts.
Oooooh, Brie, I LOVE this idea! I have been a mostly-lurker on your blog for, i don't know, years probably, and I think you are intelligent, funny, and a gifted writer. I agree that writing isn't the most practical, though if you're not planning to jump right into a career it might be a good base to start from, but writing will aid you in almost anything you do. Social work can be frustrating but there are certainly plenty of opportunities and a good amount of variety. I would encourage you to for sure follow up on this, go to school whatever it is you want to major in...I think it's a wonderful idea and I think you can definitely do it!
I don't think your aspiration for another satisfying facet to your life (i.e. work you find meaningful) detracts from what you get out of motherhood at all. You're obviously a deeply thoughtful and intelligent person, plenty of moms need something outside of their family for themselves. Go for it, lady. Your brain demands it, your abilities compel you.
All of these friends have interesting and quite true coomments to make. As your Mom, I know that motherhood is fulfilling. Yes! But when you want to do anyithing else in your life, a college degree will make all the difference. I vote that you continue with school when B. graduates. However I am prud of you now. I will be proud of whatever course you choose to take in fully living your life.
I absolutely know where you're coming from. I think going back to school would be a great idea! If Ian and I didn't both have majorly demanding callings I would definitely take a night class or something for a little me/productive/self-fulfillment time. I want to re-learn Spanish. It sounds like you have a little time to make the decision, but I think it sounds like a good plan! I'm sure you will be great!
In the meantime, try to get out of the house with the kids. That's my saving grace. Even if we just go to Sam's Club or the park or the library I need the outing and it helps the days pass without me going nuts. Being a SAHM is the hardest thing I have ever done, but like you said, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Hang in there and know that you are just as awesome/funny/smart of a person as you always were. :)
I think you need to make yourself happy. I'm not a parent but I do nanny, and I can tell if I'm just hanging in there by a string compared to when I'm happy, I'm more fun and I enjoy the kids more when I'm happy. So if attending school will help you be a better parent (you sound like you're very positive with your children and you look like you're an awesome mom) but I think you should do what will bring you happiness. You can always pray about it too if you're not sure what you want to study.
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