Big Updatage

So remember when I was all jazzed to start running again?  Well, my treatment team talked, and they are allowing me to run only 3 miles a week.  Not 3 miles a day, like I originally thought she meant to say.  They think running used to be too much a part of my eating disorder, so they want me to start slow.  Which is fair.  But really, 3 miles A  WEEK?  I can't decide if I should try to spread out the love, or if I should just run 3 miles in one day then have a week off?  Despite how frustrated I feel about this, I have decided that I'm going to trust my treatment team and not do more than they approve.  I mean, they've gotten me this far in my recovery, which is farther than I've ever gotten before, so obviously, whatever approach they are taking with me is working, so I might as well commit to it.  But yes, I'll admit, a teensy tinsy itty bitty part of me wants to run as much as I want and then lie about it.  It'd be so easy to.   Cake, really, but I'm not going to do it.  My hope is that in a few weeks I can run more, I just need to show them that I can eat enough food to compensate for the calories I burn and not abuse this "privilige" that they've given me.

Other than that, not a ton is happening.  Mila is growing bigger and I am just smitten with her.  She is beautiful and I love being her mama.  I have to say though, she is not an easy baby - she's pretty high-maintenance, and while I understand that pretty much the definition of newborn = high-maintenance, I think she's taken it to a whole new level.  She's fussy a lot of the time and is pretty much always demanding attention.  I can't easily put her in her swing or let her just chill on the ground; it doesn't last long.  It's really tiring.  I wish I knew how to get her to just chill out and let me get some things done.  Even as I'm typing this, she's yelling at me and telling me to get a grip and PICK HER UP.  Sigh.

Pretty sure Miss M looks quite dashing in lime green.

Big smiles!

I'm a wittle glum.  Nothing big, just feel a bit down.  My doc prescribed me Wellbutrin for the PPD, but I'm not entirely sure how well it's working - truthfully I don't feel much different, but I'm on the lowest dose, so maybe going a bit higher will help, who knows.  I was hoping the running would help with the anxiety and depression, but I'm not sure how effective 3 miles worth of endorphins can be?  Hmmmm.

In Cade news, he's doing great - he hasn't had a bad kindergarten day in weeks.  He seems to be doing well and acclimating to school just fine, which is such a relief for me.  We have a therapist for him, who we all affectionately refer to as Dr. Sillypants, and some days I'm so sure he needs the therapy (to help with his anxiety) and then there are other days when I don't think he needs it.  So I guess the jury's still out on that one.  I just want to be a good mommy and help my son in any way that he needs, and if seeing someone will help, then I'm all for it.

Hope you all have a scrumtrulescent weekend.  Tonight we're going to a carnival at Cade's school, and then tomorrow we are going Halloween costume shopping.  Nothing too scandalous, but it should be fun anyway.  Bye lovers!