Restroom Ramblings

We’re close enough, aren’t we, that I can hash out some of my bathroom issues with you, right? (Although I think I’ve done this before. Hrrrm.)

So I’m not weird or OCD or anything about bathrooms or germs, but I HATE public bathrooms. I’ll avoid them at all costs, though now that I’m pregnant and pee on an average every 43.59 minutes, that has had to drastically change. The first stall on the right at work and I have become suuuper tight. I’m in there all the time. So, imagine to my surprise the other day, when I went into the bathroom at work, and was immediately assaulted with this sign:

Now, I’ve thought about this sign A LOT. And I can’t figure out why it’s up. WHY does it matter if one is talking on the phone while using the bathroom? I mean, somebody may be on their break, and peeing while talking is kind of like hitting two birds with one stone, right? And I’m scratching my head, because hearing someone chat on the phone is like the least offensive noise I hear in the bathroom, like, ever. I’d much rather see a sign in the bathroom that says:

I mean, isn’t talking on your cell phone like a BASIC HUMAN RIGHT – as basic, I daresay, as doing a #1 or #2? I just don’t get it. And I pay no heed to it – if my cell phone rings while doing my business, then by the bathroom gods I SWEAR I’ll answer it without the least bit of shame! I wonder if I’ll have to pull a Rosa Parks one day and STAND UP FOR MY RIGHTS?? I say we all unite and talk while using the restroom as much as possible, just to show building management who’s boss. I think we might have a mutiny on our hands!

And another thing:
I find that talking to others while you’re both using the bathroom is awkward. Like, if you’re in a stall next door to someone, and you know who they are because perhaps you walk in at the same time or something – isn’t chatting with them while you’re both going a little awkward? If it were up to me, I’d zip my lips, do my thang, and get out of there as soon as possible. Especially just because it’s embarrassing to ignore THE SOUNDS that someone that you otherwise have only a strictly business relationship, or maybe you're only acquaintances, is making.  It just feels a little too personal, doesn't it?

CASE IN POINT:
This morning I had therapy. After our sesh, I desperately had to pee. So I begrudgingly went into the restrooms there, though I HATE the bathrooms at my T’s office – that’s another post for another day – and try to avoid them as much as possible; but like I’ve said, now that I’m preggers, I can’t just hold it like I used to, because I swear, I WILL PEE MY PANTS. It’s already happened. Twice.

So I’m, like, tinkling, and suddenly I HEAR MY THERAPIST’S VOICE. And she makes some remark about how she knows I must have to pee reallllly bad if I’m actually deigning to use the restrooms at her office. And I’m nervous because now we’re both peeing and trying to casually chat over the splashies and tinkles. IT WAS TERRIBLE. I think our next therapy session needs to be solely focused on the trauma that resulted from that experience. And you think I’m kidding.

So am I just weird? Or do you guys get it?
Ah, I better go. I’ve got to, you know, use the bathroom.
And I'm not even kidding.  Wish me luck!