Furminate Me!

I love brushing Hairy. Well, let me amend that. I love removing hair from Hairy, in whatever manner possible – whether that be brushing her, or pulling it out in clumps. (And the crazy cat lady rears her head – meoooow!) I can’t help it. And do you want to know why I love grooming her so much? If I tell you why, it’ll be creepy – I’m warning you now – and it’s also a little crazy, but I’ll divulge:

When I pull fur off my cat, and see the big pile I’ve removed from her person, I feel skinny. I’m not kidding. I feel like I’ve lost weight. It, like, boosts my self-esteem. I really can’t explain why, I just feel good when I do it! After a particularly successful de-clumping session, I’ll grab the excess fur in my hand and exude triumphantly to Brandon that I’ve just lost 10 lbs. He’ll look at me like I’m crazy and I’ll gleefully dance around the room and do a little I Lost Weight Without Restricitng Jig.  (When I told my therapist this, I think her exact words to me were, "You did not lose 10 pounds, you nutjob.")

So there it is. I’m weird, I know, but it’s true. And I know it doesn’t make sense. There is no basis in reality, here. It’s just a crazy, weird quirk of mine.

And she has sooooo much fur, so it doesn’t matter how long I pull hair out, it’ll keep coming. (And I’ll keep losing weight!) Poor thing, I think she appreciates it – I mean the hairball issues this feline has is horrendous. She is honestly one of the fluffiest cats I’ve ever seen, and trust me, I’ve seen my share.

So, I was told a long time ago to invest in the Furminator. I didn’t quite understand how a certain cat (or dog) brush could be so much better than any other, but I thought I’d give it a try – until I realized, to my horror, that the brush cost 50 bucks (or more!)  – no way did I want to spend that – so I went back to pulling out clumpage from Hairy with my fingers while she lounged on my lap in ecstasy.

This time of year is always really bad, though, because she’s starting to shed off all her winter fur, and that makes the shedding and my allergies even worse. She has a killer undercoat too, which makes the sheddage really horrendous. I’ve been brushing and pulling and grooming, but the cat’s fur content is insane – I just wasn’t making much progress.

So, somehow, I was telling all this to my therapist on Monday, and she showed me a picture on her camera phone that she’d taken of the pile – nay, dear readers – MOUNTAIN of fur she’d gotten off her dog using the Furminator. I wish I had that pic to show you, because I cannot even put into words how much fur I saw, and if I tried to describe it to you, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. It was unbelievable. And she told me she had done that all with an hour’s time and the Furminator. So that made me reconsider my No Furminator is Needed policy.

So then, I asked people on Facebook for their opinions – and every person that replied, told me that the Furminator was amazing! And a must have! And so worth the money! So that night, I went to the pet store, and begrudgingly paid for the brush.

And I started Furminating Hairy. And I kept Furminating. And Furminating. And fur kept coming out! It wouldn’t stop! I was getting skinnier and skinnier and Hairy was thrilled, I’m sure, to be getting rid of so much excess fur. It got intense. I was brushing feverishly and the fur and pounds were flying. We totally had A Moment, not even kidding.

So, after only 15 minutes of Furminating, (she can't take much more than that at a time) I give you the Furminated Hairy. And trust me, even though that pile looks weak, it was a lot more than it looks like. (I swear)

I am so, so happy with my purchase. 50 bucks to lose weight and de-fur my cat? I’ll take it!