A Compliment of Meaningful Proportions

So the Almighty T is not one to hand praise out like candy.  When she tells you that you're doing well, or that she's proud of you, it's rare, and thus treasured - because she doesn't say it often; so when she does say it, she means it - and it feels damn good to get that validation.

During group therapy on Thursday I was talking to my gals about the progress I'm making, and about  how being at this higher weight is super scary and super unknown and weird and uncomfortable, but I was telling them that I didn't regret it, you know, gaining weight  - not one little bit, because though my weight gives me anxiety, I'm also happy.  I'm content, and I have time to play Mario v. Bowser with the mini man and play hide and seek with him and clean my house and have real and meaningful conversations with my friends and kiss my husband because I'm not too preoccupied tallying the calories I've consumed that day and what that means for the rest of the day's allotment and am I gaining weight and oh the horror I'm fat and gross blah blah blah.  I don't do that anymore.  I'm fleshing out (pun intended haha) my personality, and my likes and my dislikes and I'm becoming a real freakin' person now - I'm finally figuring out who the H bomb I am.  And it's liberating and scary and exhilarating and I LOVE IT.

So as I was telling my group girls this, and that recovery is HARD but so worth it, and I told them to keep fighting, keep working on getting better, because I can tell you that the grass is greener on the other side - it's practically golden.  :)  And life isn't always perfect and easy, but I can certainly tell you that it's easier to deal with life and the curve balls thrown at you when you are nourished and taking care of yourself - everything is just more manageable and doable. 

I mean, now that I'm here, sittin' in recovery, I wonder why I didn't freaking do this sooner - why didn't I choose this all along?  Because YES recovery is harder than staying sick - getting better and gaining weight and working through your struggles in therapy is so much braver than choosing the eating disorder, but you guys -- YOU GUYS -- I PROMISE you that getting better is so much happier, it's so much easier, and life, who knew, is beautiful and fun and mysterious and exciting.  And I love it.

And as I talked in group about all this, the Almighty T couldn't hide her smile, and she said, "Brie.  Brie, I am so freaking proud of you.  You have no idea how far you've come."

And I looked her right in the eye, and I didn't shrug off the compliment, nope, I didn't.  I took that compliment and I told her THANK YOU and I smiled wide and felt really, really good.  :)