Lord of the Rings, Brie Style

Okay so nerds might be the only ones that think this blog is funny.

Last night Big B and I were talking about who would play who if my life were the Lord of the Rings series. Here’s what we came up with:

I, of course, am Frodo. From here on out to be known as Brodo.  Or maybe Brie-do?

My eating disorder is the ring/Sauron/the eye.

Brandon would be Sam-wise Gamgee because
a. He’s in love with me, but lucky for him I'm a chick and not really a hairy man-hobbit
b. Follows me everywhere I go in a hopelessly devoted way
c. Would take the ring from me if he could and destroy it
d. He occasionally cooks for me
e. Kills spiders for me

W, the therapist, would be Gandalf the Grey because she’s rescued me from sticky situations before, saved my life even, PLUS I swear, if she had a beard, they’d look just alike (subtract about a hundred years from Gandalf’s wrinkled face first). She’s leading the crusade against me destroying the ring (dun dun dun aka my EATING DISORDER) and knows that I, Brodo, am the only one that can fling it into the fiery depths of Mordor. (I’m such.A.NERD.)

E, the dietician, would be Aragorn. They’re both hot. And Aragorn gives Brodo lots of good advice and what-not and really, Brodo couldn’t have done it without Aragorn. So there it is.  PLUS they'e both hot.

Whit and Steph are Pippin and Meri, the other hobbits. Whit’s Pippin by default cuz he’s always getting in trouble and being a pain in the ass. Bahaha. After Samwise, they are Brodo’s Go To Team. They are my wing-men ladies. They follow me and help me all they can on my quest to destroying the ring, even though half their time is spent frolicking with those giant trees that were boring in the 2nd movie and then getting drunk. Whatevs.


Mom’s Gimli (bahaha Mom you’re the fat squat dwarf dude!) but really that’s a COMPLIMENT because I just love Gimli. He never wavers in his quest to help Frodo and fights hell and hizigh water to make sure he succeeds.

Dad’s Legolas. Legolas and my Dad are both super neat and calculating and Legolas and my dad are both like PERFECT and never miss anything they’re trying to do and what they aim for they always achieve. If my dad has my recovery on his to-do list, then dangit, it’ll get done!

Doc P, my current ED doc, would be Bilbo Baggins, Frodo’s crazy uncle. Mostly because she’s like BAH I want to help you but I don’t really get how to cuz I’m new at this whaddyacallit eating disorder stuff so I’m going to make an appearance and CARE but now I’m going to go to Elf-land and take a vacay good luck!

My old ED doc, M. So and So, would be Boramir because she’s a skanky biotch who went all rogue and like ruined my life and broke HIPAA laws and she started out good, and on the quest with me, then tried to like KILL ME. Poor Boramir. Born a good man, died a plump, ill-fashioned, lipstick smudged WHORE LIFE-RUINER.

And I could go on and on. And…I don’t know I dare tell you who Gollum is…do I dare??
Anyway, stay tuned, tomorrow I’m doing the same thing with Harry Potter characters.
Just kidding!