34 Weeks

Here's a few pics from this week.  Sorry, no full update this week.

Waddle Me This

Last night, at the Salt Lake Arts Fest, Brandon was walking really fast.  I was behind him, winded and pregnant, and asked him to wait for me.
 "I can't walk as fast as you," I said to him, and he said in reply, "Walking?  Huh.  So that's what you're calling it."
I replied, confused, with, "What?"
And then he said, as gently as possible to let me down easy: "Honey, you're not walking.  You're waddling."

Shutup, jerk.

Name Crisis

Help!  I thought I was SO SET on Avery Jane...and now the uncertainties are creeping in.  I heard another name the other day that just hit me - WHAM - and I LOVE it.  No matter what, our little chica's middle name is going to be Jane, but...I'm thinking more and more about this new first name, and really considering it.

The problem, of course, is that I have a husband, so I don't get to make the decision myself.  And while Big B likes this new name alright, he (understandably) likes Avery more - he's been pretty set on it too.

So now...maybe I'll just have to decide when I actually see my little bebe to know if she is a Baby A or a Baby M.  I'm so confuzzled!  I'm such a planner, so not knowing what her name is going to be for sure drives me insane.

OF COURSE I do this 8 months into this.  I did the EXACT same thing with Cade - for almost the entire duration of my pregnancy, we were set on naming him Ashton.  And then I freaked out and we changed it, last minute.  WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?!

Lagoon 2011

Brandon and Cade and I had so much fun going to Lagoon on Saturday.  Brandon's employer was sponsoring a day for everyone in the company to go, so we enjoyed being able to go for free, which is awesome because Lagoon is ridicufreakishly expensive these days. 

I, of course, couldn't ride any rides because I'm "fo' shiz up the spout," but I wanted to go anyway and be with Cade and be apart of his memories - I mean, if he remembers this day at all, I hope he remembers that his mama trekked the park with him while 7 1/2 months pregnant, just to be with him.  You know?  And we had fun!  I did a lot of sitting on benches, but it was really fun to see Cade so happy and so excited.  That made the whole trip worth it, right there.

Anyway, we still don't have a camera, but I managed to snap a few pics with my camera phone to document the day.  Here some of them are:

 In line for the first ride of the day...

Daddy and Cade riding Puff the Magic Dragon.  This was Cade's favorite ride, and he was so excited to ride it all week.  He keeps asking me to sing the song, but I don't know the lyrics, so I keep making up verses laced with drug innuendos that Cade doesn't get.  ;)

 Riding the train.  Also, my hair?

33 Weeks

How Far Along: 33 weeks.

Size of baby: According to BabyCenter, she weighs just over 4 pounds and has even passed the 17 inch mark. She’s definitely running out of room in my tummy – Cade was only 18 inches long when he was born, so to think of this bebe getting nearly that big…wow. She’s coming soon! (Compare her this week to a pineapple.)
Total Weight Gain: I’ve tried to be really creative every time I answer this question, but really…how many ways can I say that I don’t know? So. Moving on.
Maternity Clothes: It’s been all maternity, all the time, for a looooong time now. I even have a couple of maternity shirts I can no longer wear because they aren’t long enough to cover my tummy.
Gender: Girl! Avery Jane!
Movement: I had a scare early last week where I just wasn’t feeling her move as much, but she’s making up for it now. Also, for the remainder of my pregnancy I will be getting NST’s, so I can be reassured that she is okay and as active as she needs to be.
Sleep: It’s just getting worse and worse. I’ve actually started taking my Ambien in the middle of the night when I wake up, around 4ish am, because if I don’t, I’ll be up for the rest of the night. It’s helping a bit, which is good, but I really can’t remember the last time I just had a nice calm night where I slept entirely through the night.
What I miss: I miss my body not feeling so foreign to me. Having a 4 pound parasite in there is really weird and hard sometimes. Everything from my appetite to the way I walk feels off kilter and just plain strange. I also miss with a fiery passion being able to lie on my stomach. Dear readers, never take this for granted! Sleeping on my side hurts my back, and sleeping on my back I HATE.
Cravings: Lotsa fruit this week. I have seriously probably consumed an entire watermelon this week (I’m noshing on it as I type this).
Symptoms: Lotsa peeing, (and I mean lotttssssaaaaa) I’m getting this pregnancy waddle down, back pain, Braxton Hicks contractions, and a complete inability to paint my toenails.
Best Moment of the Week: Sitting on those comfy NST chairs and being reassured that Avery is thriving. I was also eating a mini Twix bar while getting the test done, and for some reason that just tasted randomly really really good. NOW I WANT A TWIX.
Appointments This Week? I am scheduled to get an NST done on Thursday, but won’t see my OB unless there is a problem. I have plenty of other appointments though, from therapy to dietary to lung stuff. Interested in hearing about them? ;) Also, the following Thursday I have an ultrasound scheduled, and we’ll also discuss my birth plan, so I am muchos excited for this appointment.
What I’m looking forward to: HAVING THIS BABY.
One Thing I've Learned This Week: That I’m getting tired of doing this little survey, honestly. Maybe I need to come up with a new one? Sorry if you’re as bored reading this, as I perhaps am filling it out. It’s really important to me to document this pregnancy, but maybe I need to find a more creative way to do it? Ideas?
Pictures from this week:

 Parked on a bench at Lagoon.

 Me and my bun rockin' it with Cade on the train.

Big belly at 33 weeks.

An Apology of Sorts

I’ve been thinking about my post that I wrote earlier this afternoon. I’ve been thinking that I feel a bit like a sulker and a whiner of the highest sort. I feel I am coming off as ungrateful, and only focusing on how fat I think I am and how miserable I am, rather than the good in this situation. Here I am, pregnant after eleven months of trying, and after the devastating loss of Kendall, and all I’m doing is complaining.

So, for the record, I just have to say…

I am so incredibly blessed to be carrying Avery. Every morning, when I wake up and look at my burgeoning belly, I literally thank God and marvel that she is still inside me and still healthy and still thriving.  Every time I think of the soft hair I'll feel when she comes out, and see those dark eyes, and maybe she'll have a dimple in her left cheek like her big brother...I smile in anticipation.  I cannot wait, Avery, until you are mine and you are safely in my arms.

Yes, I am miserable – physically, I am going through a lot of changes, and combine that with the steroids and the hormones, Mama’s a little unstable. BUT that doesn’t change the fact I’d go through all this over and over and over again, if I had to, to bring Avery into this world healthy and strong and safe.

So let it be known, that while I am a champion whiner, I am a grateful champion whiner. Avery, I love you.

I Suck at Being Pregnant

My lungs, unfortunately, continue to suck. I had an appt with my OB yesterday, and they were once again concerned that they weren’t functioning as well as they should be both for me and Baby A. I was also worried because over the past two or so days, I hadn’t felt her move as much – the little bugger just would not move, no matter how much orange juice and caffeine I drank to wake her up, or even despite pushes and prods to my tummy.

So, because of her decreased movements, they sent me to get an NST done (non-stress test) to make sure that Avery was okay and also that I wasn’t having contractions. (Avery passed the test with flying colors.) My OB then called my pulmonologist, and they have decided that for the remainder of my pregnancy, I am to be on steroids to keep my lungs working. This is problematic for a few reasons:

1. The steroids I’m on are not meant to be taken long term. I’ve taken them many times in the past, but it has always been for a week or two at most – just long enough to jumpstart my lungs. Being on them long-term is not ideal because you get all sorts of sucky side effects on these pills, including bone density loss, and my least favorite side-effect, increased hunger and thirst. Also, there is an increased risk of pre-term labor, but they are not as worried about that, since I am 32 weeks, and Avery is growing fine.

2. So, I’m pregnant. That right there gives me a free pass to be as emotional and hormonal as I need to be, and trust me, I’m a hot mess. But combine that with a high dose of steroids, and I am stark raving mad. I swear. I’ll cry at the drop of a hat and I’m HOT and hungry and thirsty and if you look at me wrong I’ll either burst into tears or bite your head off. So beware.  Also, with all the steroids I'm on, I'm wondering if Avery is going to come out looking like a body builder?

I have to get NST’s done weekly for the remainder of my pregnancy, to continue to make sure A is okay despite this lung stuff, and in 2 weeks I am going back for another ultrasound to monitor A’s growth. I was measuring a bit small yesterday, which completely surprises me because my stomach is SO GIGANTIC. Also, when I see my OB next, she said we are going to come up with a birth plan to get this baby out of me. I have a feeling that they’ll induce me early, as my asthma is just not getting better despite all the lung meds I’m on. For some women who have asthma and are pregnant, their asthma tends to get worse, and that looks like that’s the case with me.  Just my luck, of course.

So, I’m miserable. I’m hot and hungry and can drink about a liter of Diet Coke (caffeine free of course, for the babe) at a time. I’m big and getting bigger and I can hardly bend over. My back is killing me, and I have heart burn up the wazoo. If I walk up a flight of stairs, I can’t breathe. Sentimental commercials and email forwards make me cry.
Don’t I sound like so much fun to be around? :/

I absolutely suck at being pregnant. :(

32 Weeks

How Far Along: 32 weeks.

Size of baby: According to BabyCenter, she weighs just about 3.75 lbs and is about 16.7 inches long. This week she weighs approximately what a jicama weighs, and I'm totally cool with that because I’m totally in love with jicama on a nice fresh garden salad. (Put some cottage cheese on it too, please!)
Total Weight Gain: Obviously don’t know, but I have an estimate in my head of where I theeeeeeeeenk I am. Knowing me, I’d step on the scale and be like 10 lbs higher than even that and have the meltdown of the century, so I’m definitely going to shy away from ever seeing my number. I should be gaining about 1 lb a week though, and about half of that is going to my growing baby, so I’m going to remember that and just keep plugging along.
Maternity Clothes: Yes. And a couple of my maternity capris/jeans are getting a little tight…so help me on the day when they no longer fit! :(
Gender: Girl! Avery Jane!
Movement: Movement has been grand this week. I am having fun feeling her little bum and (I think?) foot when she gets really active.
Sleep: Sleep is getting tough, I’m not gonna lie. And I still have 8 weeks of this misery – and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse, which kind of makes me wonder how that’s even possible. I can more or less fall asleep okay, it’s actually getting comfortable enough to stay asleep that’s hard, and once I’m up, I have a ridiculously tough time getting back to sleep. My back pain is pretty bad.
What I miss: This week I have definitely missed my old body. I know that many think pregnancy is beautiful, but I just don’t think I’m that well cut out for it. I am lucky and blessed to be carrying Avery, but I will also be happy when she is in my arms and I have a flat tummy again.
Cravings: Anything sweet. So help me.
Symptoms: Lotsa peeing, back pain, and my belly button is starting to look like a snooze button.
Best Moment of the Week: watching my tummy with Brandon in awe as it moved around because Baby A was doing flips – you should have seen it…it was rippling and jumping and we just stared at it, amazed. It looked a little creepy, but it was fun!
Appointments This Week? Yep, I have an apt this Thursday. Will update on how it goes next week. I have lots of questions to ask my OB about my lungs and about having the baby, etc, so it should be a meaty update.
What I’m looking forward to: Being able to wrap Little A in all the receiving blankets I’ve been sewing/crocheting.
One Thing I've Learned This Week: That the weight gain is not going to stop. I was hoping it would slow down, but my pants say otherwise. (Breathebreathetrynottofreakout.)
Pictures from this week:

So Cade took the above picture all by himself.  When he saw it, he started giggling, and broke into a random song:
"Big Belly, Big Belly, what do you see?
I see Mommy's belly button lookin' at me!"
;)

My New Love

I have decided that I love to golf.  I get passionate about things, and right now golf is like My Thing.  I get to be out in the sunshine and get a bit of exercise and spend time with my man, what's not to love?  Seriously, with how hard things have been...it's been like my outlet.

I love golf.  Golfy golfy golf.  Ramma lamma golf schmolf.

PS - Brandon and I have been going to the Mick Riley golf course.  I always get confuzzled and tell him we're going to the Mitt Romney golf course.  ;)



Summer, the ER, and a Goodbye

I haven’t done much of an update lately – so I’ll give you a quick rundown of what’s been happening.

Well, now that summer has officially started, I am hitting up the pool nearly every day. I bought a summer pass for Cade and I to go to a local community pool, so we’ve been soaking up the sun and having fun chatting with my sisters, while Lil’ C plays with his cousins. I have no pictures to show, because a) I’m massively pregnant and don’t adore myself in a bathing suit, and b) our camera gave up the ghost. We definitely will have to buy a new one before Avery’s arrival, but in the meantime I have been trying to get away with making half-hearted attempts to snap some memories with my camera phone, which sadly isn’t super awesome. But hopefully soon (HINT HINT HUSBAND) we’ll get a camera, and I can start properly documenting stuff around here.

Cade and Cartoons in the ER

We took Cade to the emergency room at our local children’s hospital last week…it was horrendous. He woke up in the middle of the night with terrible abdominal pain; he was screaming and tensed up and shaking, and it looked bad enough that I was worried he had Appendicitis. So we rushed him to the hospital, only for them to take an x-ray and tell us that the kid is just massively full of poop – his intestines were full of it, which was causing him physical discomfort - enough to make him scream and cry. :( So he has been put on some laxative and stool softeners, and seems much happier. Poor kid.

And, sadly, I’d like to say goodbye to my Uncle Ron. Brandon’s uncle passed away earlier this week, and it was terribly unexpected and has been a real tragedy. My love goes out to his wife and his children. I hope that wherever he is, he is happy and out of pain and maybe sitting somewhere watching a Red Sox game with a can of Dr. Pepper, because I know he loved to do that more than anything. We have his funeral and viewing this weekend, and your support and prayers for his family would be much appreciated.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. Take care everybody!

The Lesser of Two Evils?

My asthma has been terrible recently. I mean, we’re talking terrible enough that I’ve had three emergencies in roughly two weeks. I was put on a steroid burst to help me breathe better about two weeks ago, only for my lungs to significantly decrease in their functioning the minute I was off the Prednisone. I’ve been to see my allergist, and I was even in the ER. But nothing seemed to be working. I had been using either my rescue inhaler or my nebulizer several times a day to control my asthma, and just to give you a frame of reference for how much that truly is, doctors say that if you’re using your rescue inhaler more than twice a WEEK, then your asthma is not under control and you need medical help. I had been using my inhaler at least FIVE TIMES A DAY. It was that bad.

So I went in to see my OB for a regularly scheduled appointment yesterday, and they were immediately very concerned when they saw me, because I was breathless just trying to talk, and when they listened to my lungs, you could hear how much I was struggling to breathe. My doc didn’t know if sending me to the ER would be best, or if calling my pulmonologist and insisting I get into see her that day would be better. We went for the latter option, and my doc must have worked some sort of voodoo miracle, because it usually takes at least a month to get into my pulmonologist, but miraculously they got me in that very day.

So I went in to see my pulmonologist, and she was really concerned. My lungs were only functioning at 50% (read: that’s really sucky). So she prescribed me FIVE new lungs meds, and that doesn’t even count the steroid burst and round of antibiotics that she prescribed, as well.

Here’s where I am conflicted: what is worse for Baby A? Having a mama who is struggling to get adequate oxygen, or having her little body suddenly be bombarded with all of these new pills and steroids and inhalers? Would it be better to suffer a little bit with the breathing, but sacrifice that so that Avery doesn’t have to try to process all of these meds? I am honestly unsure. And I’m not trying to be a defiant, obstinate brat, and go against my doctor’s orders just to be an immature snot. I truly just want to do what is best for Avery.

So, admittedly, I have not started taking any of the new meds, withstanding the steroids. I’m really scared to. What are your thoughts on this? I am just so unsure of what would be best…

31 Weeks

How Far Along: 31 weeks.

Size of baby: According to BabyCenter, she weighs just over 3 lbs and is about 16 inches long. This week she is supposedly 4 navel oranges, which is like the lamest comparison ever.  How can she be 4 separate things at once?  It seems a little problematic.
Total Weight Gain: Still don’t know. I even had an opportunity to see my weight while at the pulmonologist today, but I got on the scale backward cuz Mama just can’t deal.
Maternity Clothes: But of course. You should be proud of me though, because I don’t think I’ve bought any new maternity clothes in like a whole week. :)
Gender: Girl! Avery Jane!
Movement: Yep, and I’m not so much just feeling her kicking as rolling around, too. I’ve just been able to start feeling her little feet or her bum (when she sticks them out) and it’s so cool to be able to feel that through my tummy, though I'll admit it does feel a bit creepy.
Sleep: Sleep is elusive and I want it! I’m waking up in the very early a.m. and not going back to sleep because I am so uncomfortable and miserable. This morning I decided to go on a walk at like DAWN and then called Brandon and made him come pick me up because I’d gotten too ambitious and walked too far. The walk was alrriiiiiight, I guess, but I’d have much rather been sleeping. Sigh…
What I miss: Being able to paint my toenails without getting polish all over my toes, and getting up from the couch like a spry, nimble little creature. Oh and sleep. I MISS SLEEP.
Cravings: Does wanting to eat anything and everything count as a craving? You put it in front of me, and I’ll wolf it down.
Symptoms: Lotsa peeing, back pain, heart burn, and waddling. Yes, it’s official, I’m a waddler.
Best Moment of the Week: Is it bad that I’ve been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to think of a good moment? :( I guess things have just been tough, and it hasn’t been the easiest week, so I’ll pick a random moment and say that the best moment I had was Monday morning, when I woke up and realized I didn’t have to go to work. Avery is excited to have a stay at home mama. :)
Appointments This Week? Yes, I had an appointment this morning. All is well with Baby Avery, though we had somewhat of an emergency on our hands with my lungs – they be baaaaad right now. But that’s another post for another day, perhaps tomorrow.
What I’m looking forward to: Being able to see my feet when I look down, and also for my belly button to not look like a freaky nipple.
One Thing I've Learned This Week: I’ve learned that PREGNANCY IS HARD. MEGA MEGA ULTRA HARD. And I’m not even talking about the emotional side of things. Right now all my complaints are physical. But making another human being is so exhausting and hard and painful and uncomfortable. I know this will all be worth it, but I’ll admit that right now, I’d love to have my tummy area be empty of everything except the Costco muffin I just downed. Ah, if only she were here now…
Pictures from this week:

Enter 7 Months

Sorry for the lack of updatage lately.  I will admit to you, loyal readers, that girlfriend's been going through a pretty tough time these past couple weeks, and blogging just hasn't ranked as high on the priority list as say you know, breathing and eating and trying to cope and not like DIE in my misery.

So, a full update will be coming soon, and I promise to resume my regularly scheduled pregnancy updates next week, as well.  I have mucho to update you on, including but not limited to, quitting my job, going to the hospital for lung stuff, (Avery is okay!) and Cade stuff.  For now, here's a couple of pics of me, taken at 30 weeks pregnant.

More soon, I swearsies!